Crucial conversation. One of the few books I read 2 times in a row in my life.
Crucial Conversations is a very interesting book. I read it 2 times to make sure I digest most of its concepts. I did it before with Linchpin and How to Make Friend and Influence People and Propaganda. It means this book is one of my favorite personal development books.
I really encourage you to read it.
A few takeaways:
- You and only you create your emotions (not others).
- Keep discussion safe is the number one priority.
- Contrast what you don’t want and want. Stay it clearly when the conversation gets crucial. (I don’t want to finger point you…).
- Stand, ask, don’t keep quiet and then be sarcastic.
- Say things clearly to avoid irony.
- Not analyze violently: he’s attacking me. Analyze with more details. Don’t let auto behavior take over.
- Say facts first. Then stories. Then possible stories. Stories are guesses, nothing more.
- Just add meaning to the pool when telling stories/educated guess. It’s just tentative.
- Be direct when stating facts.
- Understanding doesn’t equal agreeing.
- Asking, mirroring, paraphrasing, priming other's opinion even if you disagree, make others safe. Make them talk with confidence.
- Agree with other on what you agree on, even small things, and state it before jumping on minor points of disagreement without violence.
- After a decision. Decide who does what by when. Follow up.
- Stick to conversation goal.
- Keep dialoguing with heart. Keep discussion safe.
- When attacked, bring back safety. The other attacking as he’s unsafe.
- Keep style under stress. No rush.
- Contrasting: context and proportion. Don’t take back saying “No it’s not that important”. Better: “Let me put this in perspective.”
- Create a mutual purpose. “We both want X”.
- Don’t avoid, mask, do irony.
- Our story drive our emotions. Controling our stories will control our emotions.