Crucial conversation. One of the few books I read 2 times in a row in my life.


Crucial Conversations is a very interesting book. I read it 2 times to make sure I digest most of its concepts. I did it before with Linchpin and How to Make Friend and Influence People and Propaganda. It means this book is one of my favorite personal development books.
I really encourage you to read it.

A few takeaways:

  • You and only you create your emotions (not others).
  • Keep discussion safe is the number one priority.
  • Contrast what you don’t want and want. Stay it clearly when the conversation gets crucial. (I don’t want to finger point you…).
  • Stand, ask, don’t keep quiet and then be sarcastic.
  • Say things clearly to avoid irony.
  • Not analyze violently: he’s attacking me. Analyze with more details. Don’t let auto behavior take over.
  • Say facts first. Then stories. Then possible stories. Stories are guesses, nothing more.
  • Just add meaning to the pool when telling stories/educated guess. It’s just tentative. 
  • Be direct when stating facts.
  • Understanding doesn’t equal agreeing.
  • Asking, mirroring, paraphrasing, priming other's opinion even if you disagree, make others safe. Make them talk with confidence.
  • Agree with other on what you agree on, even small things, and state it before jumping on minor points of disagreement without violence.
  • After a decision. Decide who does what by when. Follow up.
  • Stick to conversation goal.
  • Keep dialoguing with heart. Keep discussion safe.
  • When attacked, bring back safety. The other attacking as he’s unsafe.
  • Keep style under stress. No rush. 
  • Contrasting: context and proportion. Don’t take back saying “No it’s not that important”. Better: “Let me put this in perspective.”
  • Create a mutual purpose. “We both want X”.
  • Don’t avoid, mask, do irony.
  • Our story drive our emotions. Controling our stories will control our emotions.