When you don't care about possessing and doing
I read a lot of things about Buddhism. Letting go, no attachement, no ego, no possessions, seeing urges, watching it like a child game of a show and then letting them go, everything comes and go. Big concepts.
I also recently read The Secret. Great book to be crazy positive. One chapter explain that when you think you have something very strongly, you get the feeling to have it and... does not need it anymore. You got it.
And I'm quite afraid because I'm starting to succeeding doing it...
I was starving travelling before, wondering how I could have enough time and money to check my destination todolist...
And now, I don't care...
I still love travelling. I'd be happy to see Jordan, San Fran, Nepal, Egypt, India.
But I don't care if I don't go there.
These countries are here. I love them. I'm sure I'd love to meet people there and see buildings there.
But I don't really care. Knowing the existence of these country and loving them is sufficient.
Same for Paris. I love the city but I don't really care to live in it.
Same for possessions. Yes I like clothes, a big house, watches, but I have difficulties to really care about it. Yes I want to buy a flat but I don't put any pressure on this project. I consume but without urges. I just try to spend my money wisely...
That's very funny to feel this in a consumption based world.
Same with people I love.
I love a lot of people: friends, family, muses, lovers, etc.
Before, friends not calling me, refusing an invite, girls I love not loving me back, seeing or remembering previous relationships was hard and made me depressed.
Now I don't feel that sad and bad.
Even if I see them or not, it doesn't change love I have for my favorite humans. Indeed, why needing a kind of repetition of time with them. Repetition does not bring more joy.
I just try to give love to them and I try to not expect any give back. I say try because it's not that easy but I made a lot of progress. It's quite beautiful.
Work is maybe the last place where I'm very pushy to get what I want and nothing else and challenge me.
Don't know why. Any idea?